Redefining balance in Libra season ⚖️

have we been sold a lie?

Welcome to Libra season: we’re almost one week into the time of year ruled by a sign that’s all about balance, harmony, and equilibrium. It’s a beautiful time to think about how the theme of balance shows up in your life.

But what if you feel like balance is always just out of reach?

If that’s the case, I can assure you that you’re not alone. I’ve spent most of my adult life feeling like I must be doing something wrong, because no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find balance in my life: to land in this perfect, harmonious place where everything feels steady and stable, and where all of my passions, priorities, and creative outlets are given their fair share of time and attention. Is that even possible? Does such a place exist?

I would argue that — for most people, most of the time, at least — it doesn’t. That balance isn’t some fixed point on a line, halfway between one extreme and another, where we can plant our feet and let out a sigh of relief. Instead, I believe that balance is a constant series of course corrections. It’s an endless journey (I almost said battle, because it can certainly feel like one) of noticing when we’re being pulled too far in one direction and readjusting as needed. It’s a practice of observing, reflecting, and making conscious choices that will bring us closer to our own personal center, whatever that may look like.

It frustrates me that we’re so often sold this idea of “work / life balance” — I’m sure that concept contributes to the sense of failure so many of us feel when we can’t seem to find the time or energy to maintain both a fulfilling career (or side gig, passion project, etc) and a picture-perfect home life. We’re told — time and time again, in ways both subtle and overt — that it’s possible to do it all: to tackle our to-do lists, get the gold star (in the form of public recognition, a promotion, or whatever else that may be), nurture our friendships and partnerships, and have plenty of time left over to keep a clean, aesthetically-pleasing home, cook Instagram-worthy meals, spend time in nature, and go on road trips whenever we please. I have many questions about this elusive but apparently achievable reality, the first being: HOW? Who has the time and resources to do all of these things simultaneously?!

Then there are the tropes of the poor, foolish out-of-balance folks: the cold, overachieving partner who works late into the night, neglecting their closest relationships; the parent who gives up their dreams in order to have a family, only to wake up one morning full of regret for turning their back on their career and their hobbies; the reckless over-indulger who can’t seem to get their life together because they’re too busy having fun. All of these archetypes teach us that we can’t be too passionate about one thing without losing, neglecting, or completely giving up on everything else. They send us the message that that it’s always one or the other — never both — and that being dedicated to one area of our lives will only lead us to a sad, meaningless existence. (It will come as no surprise, I’m sure, that I have a problem with this black and white way of thinking.)

If we can begin to embrace the idea that perfect balance — in the way that it’s been sold to us, at least — may simply not exist, I think we can open ourselves up to more self-compassion and acceptance.

Rather than trying to show up fully as the best version of ourselves at all times, in every single aspect of our lives, we can learn to meet ourselves where we’re at, and take supportive action to move in a direction that feels good. We can spend time reflecting on our priorities and our current realities — and from there, we can ask ourselves how we can move closer to a balanced place: where we can shift our focus in order to feel more centered, what activities, relationships, or projects we can re-commit ourselves to, and when we might want to pull a little time or energy away from one area of life to in order to give it to another.

Something I think about a lot is an idea that

Marlee Grace

introduced me to as I was getting ready to start my business: they shared that they often have periods of intense creative output followed by deep rest and self-imposed breaks. They encouraged me to schedule in breaks, extra self-care, and time off (whenever possible) after big launches or when I have a larger-than-usual workload, because that’s how many creatives and entrepreneurs work: we often have a big thing that we pour a lot of energy into, and it’s important to give ourselves time to recover afterwards. If you know that you’re going to go to one extreme, you can pull yourself back to center by carving out time for its opposite.

And that doesn’t just apply to work, either: you might want to think about scheduling alone time to decompress after a big social event or time spent with family, making plans with friends after you’ve been wrapped up in solo projects, or mindfully deciding to enjoy time at home after a busy season of traveling. This type of course correcting is its own version of balance, and one that feels more realistic to me: you can let your attention be pulled where it’s needed for a period of time, but then re-center yourself by tending to anything that may have fallen by the wayside as a result.

When I think about balance, I also think about the balance of energy in relationships, partnerships, and social interactions: the giving and receiving that occurs between two people or parties, and how it’s important that everyone feels valued. When we reflect on our close relationships, we can ask ourselves: are we listening and also feeling heard? Are we offering support and also feeling supported ourselves? Are we respecting others’ boundaries and also setting our own? The exchange of energy can also be examined in professional situations: if we make products or offer services, are we charging an amount that feels appropriate for the work we put in? If we’re trading with our peers, does each party feel good about what they’re giving and getting in return?

These kinds of exchanges aren’t an exact science — and they’re often things that can’t be measured precisely — so it’s all about listening to your intuition and taking your own needs into consideration. If you often feel drained, depleted, or even resentful after spending time with someone or providing services to a client, chances are the exchange is off kilter. If you feel like you’re constantly giving but aren’t able to fill your own cup, it might be time to reexamine the exchange of energy in your transactions and interactions. There’s so much power in stating your needs, standing firmly in your boundaries, and placing value on what you have to offer — and anyone who truly wants to maintain a meaningful relationship with you will stick around, and will benefit from having a balanced exchange.

I plan to keep these ideas at the front of my mind for the rest of Libra season, so I can make some meaningful adjustments where things currently feel off-balance. For me, that means carving out more time to tend to my own health and wellbeing, unapologetically setting boundaries around my free time during this busy season, and remembering the importance of unplugging when I can. It also means considering the time, energy, and other resources required for the projects that I commit to, especially in relation to what I’m likely to get in return. For those of us who love to share ourselves and our work with others, it’s so important to acknowledge that time and energy are finite resources, and that we have to save some for ourselves. ✷